of loose powder and baby products

I am now working as a consultant in J&J, with a salary that is high. For the first time in my life, I feel that I am not underpaid. I get to save money. =) My job is more on the admin side, I don't get to display my Accounting abilities but I enjoy this kind of job where I coordinate a bunch of activities to different individuals striving to get the same end result. A little degrading but if it's a job that pays well, I supposed there is balance. HAHAHA. Anyway Rushing now, as my boyfriend will be here any minute. My contract is going to end in October 30. I would love to stay but we'll see. The future is so unforeseen, but I trust in the Lord. I know he will take care of me.

The stress.The pressure.The expectations. They make me feel alive. :)

There are plenty of activities that I miss doing. I miss watching television series, I used to watch a lot. Flashback a year ago, I was following the lies of Arya, Spencer, Hana and Emily. I was drawn to how Hannibal cooked delicious gourmet from the body parts of those he murdered. I was hooked with the love story of Damon and Elena of the Vampire Diaries. I was also a big fan of The Original vampires Klaus and Elijah. Also, who does not watch game of thrones? I was enthralled with the plots and twists of the lives of the Targaryens. Starks and the Lannisters. I can't seem to find the time to watch considering that I worked less now. I mean I used to work overtime last year. haay. I miss the television and all the made up stories. I wish I could just go back to last year. :(

These are all the three changes

Last blog entry was 2013. A whole year went by without any post. I should write more, I know. Writing is like therapy for me, a place where I can express how I feel without worrying about what might others think of me. I remember when I was a child, I had diaries and everytime I felt down, I would jot down my thoughts and somehow after I finished writing, I felt better. Since blog title is about changes, here are some of the things that changed: 1. My boyfriend - My past relationship pal and I broke up after 7.5 years. This was something so unexpected but not unplanned. There were numerous times when I really wanted to break up with him for various reasons but I couldn't get myself to do so. Until time came when every reason seemed right. This was not an easy decision, there were sleepless nights when I thought of what would have happened differently had I not break up with him. Although, the only answer that I could provide to myself is that, it was for the best. 10 months after the break-up, I think I am doing good now. The new relationship has its own struggles, some I am familiar with, some are new discoveries for me. It's nothing I regret though. One thing I learned is that you can never be really sure if someone is meant for you, you just have to enjoy every moment of everyday and try to be the best partner that you can be. 2. Work Last entry that I had here was about the new role that I had 2 years ago. I find myself in the same dilemma. New process, new department, new people.Will be starting my training tomorrow. Hopefully, this will be a better move. The lesson I learned from this is, no undertaking is so hard that you will not get past it. No matter how long the journey is, at some point in time, you will reach the finish line. 3. Residence I left my apartment (not 100%) and came to live with my boyfriend and his family. Cohabiting with your partner is ideal for girls my age. I am not getting any younger, anything that can speed up the process of GTKY is actually a practical move. At 29, there is an urgency to know if he really is the one for me.I plan to marry at age 31, if the Good Lord permits it. I am giving this relationship this year to decide if he is for keeps. These are all the three changes that happened. Will tell more stories soon. So many dreams to accomplish this year. I am so excited for 2015, hopefully it will be kind to me. :)

Note to self: Focus on getting the job done

Work has came around. I am finally in a much better place than where I was weeks ago. Somehow, the important work just stopped and the clerical work is slowly piling up. The important work of course entails a deeper understanding of the process, connectivity with people to analyze gaps between the now and the tomorrow world, communicating the gaps noted to the capable individuals who will resolve the issue. Not that I don't want to do the important stuff, I just somehow think that I am not good enough to these things. Now that I'm stuck with the "no brainer" ones, I regret the times I complained of these difficult assignments, what I should have done is tried my best instead. I should have grabbed those opportunities. Here's another note to myself: Do not complain, FOCUS On getting the job done. There are people who are willing to help if only I learned how to ask for it.

Note to self: You have a bigger God, worry not.

Work is still difficult. I am not making progress and I have a timeline that I need to strictly follow in order to keep up with the ever challenging project that I've committed into for the next 8 months. Mind you, it just keeps getting worse but it also keeps getting better at the same time. Well, there's too much to learn, too much to do. It's good for the body, it's great for the brain knowing that it still has capacity to unearth/decipher these knowledge that I am trying to/gaining right now. I still applied in another company though, not because I am weak enough to handle stress but because I am just trying to find out if there is a better option out there. I am hoping, of course, that I find one. Yet, I am also praying that I'd be damn good in what I am doing in this project. At this point, I don't really know what I want. This I tell to myself today: I have a bigger God, worry not. Just like in so many instances today and in the past, Jesus will save me. Today, I got my salary, it's higher than what I am usually receiving. I did not get a raise nor I have overtimes for the previous month. For whatever reason, it just came when I needed it most. There are countless times in the past where I did not expect that He will give me blessings, they came in the darkest hours when I walked face-down and felt like I had no one. All prayers that are left unanswered are meant to teach us valuable lessons, I guess.

Note to self: "Let it go and Let's go"

I must be overwhelmed with everything that's been going on to be able to post two blog entries in 24 hours. I am realizing now how I missed writing and I am regretting that I deleted my old blog which I started way back in college. Writing can be a therapy in a way that you organize the thoughts that are circulating inside your head for the whole day, weeks or months of over-thinking them. When I jot my thoughts down, I somehow see what's wrong and what's triggering my anxiety. The best part of blogging is the encouragement that we tell to ourselves that for the most part uplift our spirits and somehow makes us feel okay again. A pat in the back or a hug from a friend can also motivate us but there are things that only ourselves can understand The moment we tell ourselves that "you can overcome this", it somehow becomes the final say in the situation and the next thing you know you are already creating a "to-do" list in order to fulfill what you say to yourself. After my last post, everything just became clearer to me, I had a sense of purpose, I had an urge to work and learn more. For the first time in the long time, I didn't feel that my body is just dragging me to the office. I am feeling that this is a good start. =) Of course, I still have issues, there will always be issues unfortunately. This one is about a mistake that I made which led to a critical control incident. It was my last day in my old process and I was trying to fix everything before I leave for my new role and before I take a few days off from the office. When I got back, I discovered the harsh reality that I did something wrong and stupid. I reported it right away to my manager and it became a big deal. I am the kind of person who finds it hard to forgive myself when I commit mistakes. I will have sleepless night feeling sorry about the mistake that I made and I tell myself how stupid I am. I dwell on it. I spend time over analyzing about the cause of my mistake. Note to self: "Let it go and let's go. Let's go move on. I maybe judged as incompetent by that failure but what happened already happened. No one can change it. All the more that I have to work harder and prove them wrong. Tomorrow is another tough day and because of that tomorrow is another chance to get tougher.